Different relationships require different levels of intimacy, needs, and ways of connecting for that relationship to survive and thrive.  A thriving relationship requires that both parties have a mutual feeling of connection. But this does not always mean that each person enjoys the same ways of connecting.  

If only one person feels a meaningful connection and the other does not, the relationship is in trouble.  In this case, one person is blissfully delusional and the other is burdened with reality. I half-jokingly tell my counselees that each spouse needs a little of both - delusional enough to blissfully overlook some of the burdens of reality and realistic enough to be burdened by the reality of things that really need to change.

Here are some important steps you and your spouse can take to foster mutual connection in your relationship in the New Year:

1. Gain mutual understanding of what connection looks like for each of you - identify some of the ways you and your spouse experience connection and how those interactions are facilitated.

2. Take Action toward connecting in the way your spouse has identified he or she experiences connection - you may need a little feedback and guidance from your spouse, be willing to receive it and give it.

3. Intentionally generate mutually positive feelings between the two of you - it is easier to do this with a spouse when you consider how you might do this with a friend.

4. Always be willing to respond positively to attempts that are made to connect - accept that attempts will never be perfect so cherish every attempt that you can and know you won’t be perfect either.

Try these few things in the New Year to enhance rich encounters and fulfilling connection with your spouse in the New Year.

Contact me today if you need help connecting in your marriage and or relationships.