The Love She’s Always Wanted

As a father of two beautiful young women, I have always wanted my love for them to be the standard by which they would measure the love they would look for in the men they would eventually marry. The love a father gives his daughter is most likely going to be the love she seeks out in her adult life, whether it is a fulfilling love or a love that keeps her wanting. A father who routinely shows affection and speaks to his daughter of her value and worth instills in her the foundation on which her esteem is built. A loving father has the unique ability to give his daughter three very important things she desires from him;

1) Affirmation of her beauty - She desires to know that she is desired by you and that she will one day be desired by another man for her beauty. This builds her esteem and empowers her to engage men with confidence.

2) Confirmation of her significance and value - She desires to experience that you see her and think about her. This confirms her value and does not leave her vulnerable to craving the approval of other men.

3) Recognition that she is worthy of your sacrifices - She desires to know you prioritize her. This instills her with the belief she is worth fighting for and she does not have to settle for any man who does not equally sacrifice for her. 

John and Staci Eldridge articulate in their book Captivating that every little girl needs to know she is lovely and captivating, especially to her father. Fathers who are absent with their words, affection, and expressions create a void for their daughters, who then seek after the missing affirmation in some unhealthy ways. Every daughter is wired to be adored by their father and when they are not, it affects their sense of confidence, value, and worth, often resulting in needy tendencies and vulnerability to those who intend to use or abuse her. Women often settle for a love they are familiar with and comfortable with. This is why a women often finds herself in a relationship with a man who shares some of the same characteristics of her father - for better or for worse.

Fathers, help your daughter see her external beauty and that beauty that goes deep into her being. Help her know her significance stems from her very existence. Let her experience your appropriate longing for her and let her know will go out of your way to routinely be with her. Your daughter is going to pursue the love she has always desired. Loving fathers can instill in their daughter a standard of love based on her intrinsic value and worth. She is taught by your actions.