The Expectation: Why Accountability in Marriage Isn’t Optional
In every area of life, expectations exist.
Go to school? You’re expected to study, pass tests, and meet certain standards if you want to graduate.
Get a job? You’ll be expected to show up, perform, grow, and contribute.
Join a team? You’re expected to practice, play your role, and give your best.
So why is it that when it comes to relationships—especially marriage—some people insist there should be no expectations?
Let’s be honest: that mindset sounds freeing at first glance, but it’s usually a subtle (or not-so-subtle) way of avoiding accountability. It says, Don’t ask me to change, or Don’t hold me to anything that stretches me. But real love invites growth. And growth never happens without expectation.
Marriage is not a comfort zone; it’s a covenant. And covenants come with commitments—spoken and unspoken, mutually agreed upon and sometimes discovered along the way. At the heart of those commitments are expectations: of love, honesty, respect, sacrifice, faithfulness, and effort.
Expecting nothing in a relationship doesn't make it healthier—it makes it hollow. It often leads to resentment, distance, and confusion. Why? Because when expectations are denied or dismissed, one person is usually left carrying the weight of the relationship while the other coasts in comfort.
Let’s reframe this:
Expectations aren’t about control—they’re about clarity.
They communicate what matters. They reveal what we’re building toward. And when shared in love, they call both partners toward becoming who God designed them to be.
Of course, expectations must be reasonable, mutual, and spoken—not assumed. But having no expectations at all? That’s not love—it’s fear in disguise.
Fear of confrontation.
Fear of change.
Fear of failure.
But Scripture reminds us that love doesn’t just comfort—it transforms.
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ.
—Ephesians 4:15 (NIV)
God loves us just as we are, but too much to leave us as we are. And if He expects transformation in those He loves, how much more should we lovingly hope for growth in those we covenant with?
So let’s not shrink back from expecting more of each other.
Let’s stop fearing expectation—and instead see it as one of the deepest signs of trust and commitment.
In marriage, expectation is not the enemy of love—it’s a servant of it.
Reflection Questions:
Have I clearly communicated my expectations in my relationship?
Do I resist my partner’s expectations because they challenge my comfort zone?
How can we create space for healthy, loving conversations about growth?
