What a Boy Needs in a Father Figure

Raising a boy into a well-rounded, responsible adult requires more than just biological connection; it requires a father figure who can provide emotional support, guidance, discipline, and most importantly, unconditional love. The paternal influence has a profound effect on a child’s development, shaping not just his actions but his understanding of the world. Let me share with you the valuable and multi-faceted roles I believe a father figure can play in a boy's life.

Emotional Support: More than Just Words

A father figure's emotional sustenance can provide a sense of security and well-being. Boys look up to their father figures as the first line of defense against the emotional and physical challenges that life throws their way - the questions of their value and worth. As a young boy, I can often remember how I would overhear my father speaking to another man fondly and proudly about me. Knowing how he thought and felt about me gave me a solid foundation for me emotionally. I felt seen and felt loved.

Guidance and Counsel: Navigating Life’s Twists and Turns

Life is full of ups and downs, and it’s the father figure who can provide the necessary direction and counsel. Through his life lessons and wisdom, a boy learns to navigate complexities with a balanced approach. My father was able to share with me about the pressure men go through so that when I was going through something I could sense that he was able to relate to what I was struggling with. He was open to sharing the fact that even he needed help and direction from other men in his life.

Discipline and Structure: Building a Framework for Life

A father figure sets boundaries, instilling a sense of structure and rules that help a young man understand his responsibilities and obligations. Discipline is not punishment; it’s a framework for life that fosters self-esteem and self-respect. A young man who does not live within a framework of discipline and structure will generally struggle with confidence not fully being able to grasp what are his innate skills and abilities. Through discipline boys are able to acquire greater proficiency and with structure, they are better able to make sense of the world around them. A father figure is so critical in helping a boy gain a definition of his world as a boy and what that might mean for him as a man.

Mentorship and Tutoring: Lessons Beyond the Classroom

Through mentorship, a father figure helps develop both academic and practical skills. Handy abilities, like changing a tire or cooking a meal, are equally important as academic knowledge. It was so important to my father that his five boys knew how to do things that generations of men were able to do. Because of this value he held, we were always with him outside when he was caring for the yard, and repairing something around the house. He passed this value on to me so I made sure my two sons were also constantly exposed to things men do. I felt a surge of pride when my son shared how he stepped up to change a tire after it blew out while he and his friends were driving, especially since none of the other guys knew what to do. He also felt a sense of confidence and pride because of what he was able to accomplish.

Love and Affection: The Foundation of Trust

Without fondness and affection, discipline and guidance will not have the same effect on a young man. A father figure's genuine affection lays the foundation for a secure emotional and mental state. It is transformative for a boy when he knows that a father figure cares for him and desires to be with him. In my work with boys, I make sure they know that I like them and I want to be with them. They mustn’t feel like my time with them is obligatory or that I would rather be doing something else. Most boys want love and appropriate affection from a man whom they can respect and admire. Affection can be given as easily as looking them in the eyes when talking with them, tussling their hair as a gesture of acceptance, or a fist bump on the shoulder while giving them a positive affirmation. When this is done in a way a boy can receive it, trust is gained.

Role Modeling and Being an Example

A boy truly benefits from having a male role model to look up to. This role model's actions, from showcasing leadership and ethical guidance to embodying family values and beliefs, lay the groundwork for how a boy views and engages with the world around him. An experience that profoundly impacted me involved a young boy during a camping trip. While I was assisting my 3-year-old son with brushing his teeth, a routine nightly practice, the boy watched us closely and then inquired about what we were doing. Upon explaining that we were brushing our teeth, he revealed that he had never seen a father help his son in this way. Although I was taken aback, understanding his background made his reaction less surprising. The seemingly small acts demonstrated by a father figure can profoundly influence a boy's life.

A Father Figure is a Cornerstone

In today's complex world, where manhood often faces numerous challenges, the role of a father figure is crucial in guiding a boy towards becoming a well-rounded and capable man. This role is comprehensive, encompassing emotional support, guidance, discipline, mentorship, and unconditional love, all of which are vital for a boy's development. If you are a man with a young boy in your life whom you influence in any capacity, I hope you recognize the importance of being someone he can admire, draw strength and confidence from, and see as a model for his journey to manhood.

I'm deeply aware of my role and the significance of providing the right care and affection to boys lacking such positive influences. If you're aware of a boy in need of a father figure, I encourage you to direct him to us. At PILLARS, our mission is to guide boys in understanding the true essence of manhood and inspire them to embody it. Feel free to schedule an appointment with me today to explore how we can make a difference together. - Harry